I want to say that I've just been too busy to write something. That the holidays are here and that it means I have less time. But, that would be a lie, and I strive to always be honest.
The truth is that I both didn't make time to write something and I didn't know what to write about. So, rather than making time for either of those things I just ignored the blog as if it wasn't always there in the back of my mind. It's a thing I do, and I imagine a lot of other people do too. Instead of staring something straight in the face we choose to ignore it and hope that it goes away on its own. All I can say is that that never actually works for me.
The fact of the matter is I love writing, and I love having this blog. I am never truly sure what I'm supposed to be writing, so I connect to the Universe and let it tell me what to say. And the truth is, I just didn't take time to connect, so I didn't end up writing anything for the past couple of weeks. But my body also ached for something to be told, so here I am.
Right now it's a little over a week before Christmas. My family is in full holiday swing and it's been super triggering for me. I am surrounded by people who just want to give to everyone, and I just honestly don't have enough money to give in that kind of way. I could walk through a store and pick out so many things for people that I know they would love, but it would not be an act of self-love to spend money I don't have. So, I've been feeling inadequate. Feeling as if I'm not enough because I don't have the excess that others around me do.
I give my time and I bake so many things this time of year for people, but there is the voice that tells me that that's not enough. That a gift, made and given in love, is not enough. Honestly, how ridiculous is that? It's a gift and a privilege to be able to give anything to someone, whether it's time, money, or something else. It's not my job to assess whether or not the other person will feel that I have given enough. I have given, and that is enough. My job is over.
In our materialistic culture, it's just so hard to dig my way out of the mindset sometimes that gifts don't have to be grand or big. They can be small, like holding a door or giving a hug. We spend our lives giving gifts that we aren't even aware of, but they are the kinds of gifts that will change the world. Anything given consciously in love, joy, and gratitude has the ability to change lives, and we so often forget that.
So, my gift to you all tonight is a new poem. I wrote it about an hour ago when the first line popped into my head and just knew that it was written to be shared tonight. No official title for this poem yet, but just remember that the stars are brightly shining for you.
There are stars in the night sky that you have never seen shine
stars so distant that time and space have forgotten about them
but they are shining right now
their light is traveling across inky black
over rock and field and tree
through the hearts of other stars that are witnessing
the birth of all creation as they burn
their light is still shining
endlessly traveling through known and unknown alike
it’s waiting for you
to open your eyes
to look up one dark night
deep in the wood where the light of the city seems like a dream
and you, with a blanket across your lap
breath rising is slow white clouds
frost gathering at your boots
will see just a faint glimmer
a wink of the universe there to show you
that you aren’t alone
that there is so much more to be seen and heard
to be done and to experienced
oh, Child, did you even know
that the stars are singing your name?
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