This month… has been so interesting. I haven’t been blogging not because I’ve been too busy, but because I’ve really had to do some deep work on myself this month. I’ve really had to look at my life and decide what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to let go of.
I remember when I decided to start my blog again and it was because I missed it. I thought it was something that I could live without, but that just wasn’t true. This blog is a space for me to say… something. I’m never sure what, so I knew that this was something to keep.
But what else? How else did I want to be showing up in my life? I finally took steps toward launching my own podcast, The More Than Mimsy Podcast (which is not available everywhere!). Look for a new episode every Thursday.
I also took a step back from the other business I decided to start, Brave & Bold Writer. Was it what I wanted? Was it in alignment with the life that I wanted for myself? I think so, at least for this moment. I know that I can use my skills to help people and their businesses thrive.
But what else? I realized this month that I wasn’t really giving myself the space to be as physically active as I wanted. I wasn’t writing in the way that I wanted. I wasn’t really putting energy toward anything that I wanted. Instead, I found myself binge-watching everything Star Wars on Disney+ (no regrets!).
I think deep down I was afraid. I was afraid of what would happen if I both successfully launched this blog and podcast and what would happen if the same success followed in my marketing and virtual assistant business. Failure is something I am familiar with and I was letting myself fail by doing nothing.
Success, on the other hand, was like a blind date. Who was this person? If we liked each other what did it mean? How do I dress? How do I act?
I ended up being stayed by fear because I was afraid of what I didn’t know. I’ve heard it said that your ego can only see what you’ll lose, and in this case, I would lose my story of being an utter failure my entire life. I’ve built an entire story and life around failing. It’s been a go-to state for me, not because it’s what I wanted but because it felt safe and comfortable. Note that it FELT safe and comfortable, but if you’ve ever been in a position where you’re living paycheck to paycheck and struggling for everything then you know that it’s not a comfortable place to be.
It’s so funny how we limit ourselves because it’s what we are used to. It’s what we know what we feel comfortable in even if we are miserable in it.
I didn’t plan to write this blog post on the last day of the month, tomorrow the cusp of a new month in a new year. We are travelers and sometimes we don’t know where we will end up. But I’m choosing today, and moving forward, to show up differently in my life. To take different steps, ones that feel uncomfortable, ones that are the best choice, not the easy choice. I’m going to begin to feel comfortable in the uncomfortability.
How are you choosing to show up in your life? Do you like where you are at? What needs to change for you to love where you’re at?
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