Let us start with the morning. It's my favorite time of day. I love the sleepiness of it. The drifting feeling. The productiveness. To watch the sunrise over the horizon is the greatest gift we can give ourselves each day (if you happen to be a morning person).
It's funny, for years I resisted the idea that I was a morning person. That I was one of "those" people who liked to be up early. But I am. I spent years staying up late and then wishing I could get up early too. It just feels like the right fit for me.
But I have also noticed that I am constantly battling years of built-up habit. I'm battling an idea that I had of myself and who I thought I needed to be and who I feel that people want me to be.
Here is the thing. Looking back I can see that there is a lesson that has be coming up over and over again throughout my life. It's that staying in a situation for the wrong reason will never make that situation better. I've done so many things out of obligation, and in the end all I feel is resentment toward myself and others.
Of course, what I realize now is that all of those things were acts of self-hate. I was desperately trying to do what I thought people wanted of me so that they would love and accept me because I couldn't love and accept myself. It's a wonder that I have any true friends at all, to be honest. But in so many ways I've been lucky in this life. and I always try not to forget that.
But now I'm wondering how many more times I have to live this lesson. How many more times will I choose others over myself? How many more times will I let fear rule every decision I make? How many more times will I chose the obligation I have to something or someone when I know I need to leave?
I'm done doing everything out of obligation, how about you? It's time we all followed our highest calling and trust that the Universe will be there to not only catch us but guide us toward our path.
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