The stories we tell ourselves

Can we talk about stories for a second? It may sound weird… but hear me out.

As humans, our lives are built around stories. The ones we are told. The ones we see around us. The ones we tell ourselves. Our lives are created and made through our ability to tell a story. You could think of it like this: our ego is the manifestation of the story that we create of ourselves.

This really came to a head for me the other day because I was knee-deep in my own story. I was so far into it that I lost myself for a while. Honestly, I did that on purpose, because my personal story is one that is devoid of personal power. Nothing in my old story allowed me to change and become a new person. I had to be in it so I could see it for what it was which enabled me to let it go.

I let myself feel helpless. Like a victim. Like there was no hope. Like the best decision, I could make was to end it all.

It was hard… I’ll be honest. Part of me kept telling me the disempowering story. Another part of me kept telling me all the reasons it wasn’t true and that things would get better. And another part just watched it all play out like it was watching this internal battle ensue.

As I started to calm down, I got this feeling that there was a message waiting for me on Facebook, which is when this gem of a quote popped up.

I read that and everything clicked. I was stuck in the story of my past, not focused on anything in the present or the future. I had trapped myself in this endless cycle, it was like a riptide that kept pulling me under over and over again, and all I had to do was let it go. I had to release the idea that the disempowering story was the only one I could tell myself. The only one that could be true.

Here is the thing, through all that I really understood that we are just the stories we tell ourselves. The stories we tell ourselves are our perceptions, how we see the world. If we want to have a different life then we need to tell ourselves a different story. It’s simple, but I can tell you from experience that it isn’t easy.

If we want to change our lives, we have to be willing to be wrong. We have to be willing to see things from a different perspective. We have to be willing.

And that’s it. We have to be willing. Being willing to change, being open to change, is the first step for us to start moving into a different story.

Creating life from a foundation of happiness

Can I talk about life for a second? Can I talk about the life I want to create for myself? I’ve been kind of avoiding this because I almost feel like there is too much focus on it. I can’t tell you how many ads I see on my social media about the law of attraction and creating the money you want, but very little about creating the life you want.

I live in the U.S. but I feel that this is applicable to anyone living in a country where capitalism has taken a firm hold – we equate a good life with a lot of financial abundance. We focus entirely on getting money because society has taught us that money is the thing that will solve all of our problems, bring us happiness, and create security. It’s no wonder that almost every LOA ad I see is focused on getting people more money. It’s what we think we want. It’s what I thought I wanted for a long time.

I, like most of society, thought that money was the thing that would solve every single one of my problems. Every. Single. One. If I had more money I wouldn’t be depressed. I wouldn’t be stressed out. I would be happy. I would be healthy. I would have more time. I would… I would… I would… I literally gave way all my power to money thinking that without it I couldn’t be the person I wanted to be.

The problem was if I got it I couldn’t hold onto it or I couldn’t get it at all. I kept desperately trying to grasp at money hoping it would come to me, but I could never really create it, manifest it, or make it on my own. I was like Wile E Coyote trying to catch the Road Runner, that shit wasn’t happening.

Fast forward to January, where I lost my job and I decided to start all the things I had been putting off – my podcast, writing my blog more consistently, more poetry, more of the things that bring me joy, and you know what, I’m fucking happy. I was just sitting in bed the other night and I felt so happy and peaceful in a way that I have never have in my life.

And you know what? I don’t have enough money coming in to pay my bills.

I’m literally broke, and I’m happy. Money has nothing to do with me being happy right now. Can you believe that? Can you feel that? I think it’s the lesson that the Universe has been trying to teach me for a long time but until now I hadn’t been listening. I can have bill collectors calling me and I can still be happy. I can be homeless and living on the streets and still be happy.

I can be happy, and my circumstances have nothing to do with it.

So, what does this actually mean? It means that I’m shifting my perception.

What is my future? What do I want my life to look like in a year? I want to be so excitedly happy that money is just coming to me because I am supported in doing what I love to do. Money is an object that comes to me effortlessly because I am in alignment with it, not chasing after it as if my life depends on it.

And yes, I get it. My bills and rent are real. I am not denying that. I’m not even denying that I need money to survive. What I’m understanding is that money doesn’t bring me anything I didn’t already have. Money won’t solve my problems or make me happy. Money only has the power and beliefs that we give it.

What do I believe about money? I believe it comes to me effortlessly because I am supported in walking my path of happiness and joy. I believe the money will help me spread my joy and happiness, but it’s not the source of it. I believe I will have no problem doing the things I love because the money will follow. I believe that the more fun I’m having the more money will come to me.

This life was not meant to be a slow slog to the grave. We aren’t here to work ourselves to death. We’re here to be alive, fully and unapologetically. We are here to show up as our authentic selves and bask in all the ways we are unique. Celebrate each other. Love each other. Support each other.

Some days it’s hard, it’s so fucking hard, but in the end, we are here to experience what it means to be fully human, with all of its ups and downs and at the end of the day, let them go and know that we are loved, we are safe, and we have the choice to make… be happy now or not.

Showing up differently and feeling uncomfortable

This month… has been so interesting. I haven’t been blogging not because I’ve been too busy, but because I’ve really had to do some deep work on myself this month. I’ve really had to look at my life and decide what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to let go of.

I remember when I decided to start my blog again and it was because I missed it. I thought it was something that I could live without, but that just wasn’t true. This blog is a space for me to say… something. I’m never sure what, so I knew that this was something to keep.

But what else? How else did I want to be showing up in my life? I finally took steps toward launching my own podcast, The More Than Mimsy Podcast (which is not available everywhere!). Look for a new episode every Thursday.

I also took a step back from the other business I decided to start, Brave & Bold Writer. Was it what I wanted? Was it in alignment with the life that I wanted for myself? I think so, at least for this moment. I know that I can use my skills to help people and their businesses thrive.

But what else? I realized this month that I wasn’t really giving myself the space to be as physically active as I wanted. I wasn’t writing in the way that I wanted. I wasn’t really putting energy toward anything that I wanted. Instead, I found myself binge-watching everything Star Wars on Disney+ (no regrets!).

I think deep down I was afraid. I was afraid of what would happen if I both successfully launched this blog and podcast and what would happen if the same success followed in my marketing and virtual assistant business. Failure is something I am familiar with and I was letting myself fail by doing nothing.

Success, on the other hand, was like a blind date. Who was this person? If we liked each other what did it mean? How do I dress? How do I act?

I ended up being stayed by fear because I was afraid of what I didn’t know. I’ve heard it said that your ego can only see what you’ll lose, and in this case, I would lose my story of being an utter failure my entire life. I’ve built an entire story and life around failing. It’s been a go-to state for me, not because it’s what I wanted but because it felt safe and comfortable. Note that it FELT safe and comfortable, but if you’ve ever been in a position where you’re living paycheck to paycheck and struggling for everything then you know that it’s not a comfortable place to be.

It’s so funny how we limit ourselves because it’s what we are used to. It’s what we know what we feel comfortable in even if we are miserable in it.

I didn’t plan to write this blog post on the last day of the month, tomorrow the cusp of a new month in a new year. We are travelers and sometimes we don’t know where we will end up. But I’m choosing today, and moving forward, to show up differently in my life. To take different steps, ones that feel uncomfortable, ones that are the best choice, not the easy choice. I’m going to begin to feel comfortable in the uncomfortability.

How are you choosing to show up in your life? Do you like where you are at? What needs to change for you to love where you’re at?