The trap of holiday guilt and a new poem

I want to say that I've just been too busy to write something. That the holidays are here and that it means I have less time. But, that would be a lie, and I strive to always be honest.

The truth is that I both didn't make time to write something and I didn't know what to write about. So, rather than making time for either of those things I just ignored the blog as if it wasn't always there in the back of my mind. It's a thing I do, and I imagine a lot of other people do too. Instead of staring something straight in the face we choose to ignore it and hope that it goes away on its own. All I can say is that that never actually works for me.

The fact of the matter is I love writing, and I love having this blog. I am never truly sure what I'm supposed to be writing, so I connect to the Universe and let it tell me what to say. And the truth is, I just didn't take time to connect, so I didn't end up writing anything for the past couple of weeks. But my body also ached for something to be told, so here I am.

Right now it's a little over a week before Christmas. My family is in full holiday swing and it's been super triggering for me. I am surrounded by people who just want to give to everyone, and I just honestly don't have enough money to give in that kind of way. I could walk through a store and pick out so many things for people that I know they would love, but it would not be an act of self-love to spend money I don't have. So, I've been feeling inadequate. Feeling as if I'm not enough because I don't have the excess that others around me do.

I give my time and I bake so many things this time of year for people, but there is the voice that tells me that that's not enough. That a gift, made and given in love, is not enough. Honestly, how ridiculous is that? It's a gift and a privilege to be able to give anything to someone, whether it's time, money, or something else. It's not my job to assess whether or not the other person will feel that I have given enough. I have given, and that is enough. My job is over.

In our materialistic culture, it's just so hard to dig my way out of the mindset sometimes that gifts don't have to be grand or big. They can be small, like holding a door or giving a hug. We spend our lives giving gifts that we aren't even aware of, but they are the kinds of gifts that will change the world. Anything given consciously in love, joy, and gratitude has the ability to change lives, and we so often forget that.

So, my gift to you all tonight is a new poem. I wrote it about an hour ago when the first line popped into my head and just knew that it was written to be shared tonight. No official title for this poem yet, but just remember that the stars are brightly shining for you.

There are stars in the night sky that you have never seen shine

stars so distant that time and space have forgotten about them

but they are shining right now

their light is traveling across inky black

over rock and field and tree

through the hearts of other stars that are witnessing

the birth of all creation as they burn

their light is still shining

endlessly traveling through known and unknown alike

it’s waiting for you

to open your eyes

to look up one dark night

deep in the wood where the light of the city seems like a dream

and you, with a blanket across your lap

breath rising is slow white clouds

frost gathering at your boots

will see just a faint glimmer

a wink of the universe there to show you

that you aren’t alone

that there is so much more to be seen and heard

to be done and to experienced

oh, Child, did you even know

that the stars are singing your name?

How to find the small moments in our lives

It’s funny, there is no shortage of people, books, and inspirational quotes that tell us that we need to find and create more joy in our lives. There is no shortage of ways in which we could also convince ourselves that we can’t do that. There is war, famine, political troubles, and it’s hard to pay our bills. Just one excuse after another. And I do mean excuse.

We put more emphasis on the world outside of us then we do inside of us. We look at the world and wish it were different. We wish our lives were different. We wish and wish and wish. I know I have. I have looked at every circumstance in my life and blamed it for my unhappiness. Things from my past that I thought had broken me. Things in my future that I didn’t have. Money I wish I had. Debt I wish I didn’t. Family.

When we prescribe what we need to be happy, whatever it is, it’s in effect saying that it’s impossible to be happy now. To be joyful now. To appreciate all of the things that are in our lives right now.

We will never be happy in the wanting of something.

That’s just the truth of it.

So, the question becomes how can we be happy now? How can we bring more joy into our lives now? I was driving this morning and as I pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop I was going to work at I realized that I had been lost in thought. Thought about nothing that mattered, I imagine. I can’t even remember what I was thinking about. But it was early, and it was dawn. The sky was cloudy and the mountains behind me and the sky around me were bursting with the soft prink that only arrives in the morning. I parked my car and just looked around taking it all in. That moment was a conscious moment of joy. Later I was listening to a song that I loved, and I teared up because I really let myself listen to it, not just hear it. That was a moment of conscious joy.

When we are in the throes of darkness, we can still find these small moments to be fully present and experience the joy that is accessible to us all the time. There are moments available to us every day that, if we allow them, will take us out of our everyday lives and allow us to experience the beauty that is all around us.

Find these moments. Create these moments. Be available for these moments. Close your eyes and breathe just one breath. Feel it enter you, feel it leave you. Open your eyes. Does the world look a little different now?

Resume (poem)

I've been trying to figure out a way to express this to people. It tends to be hard because we live in a society that focuses so much on money and people think that I don't understand how jobs and companies work or that I don't care about making money. Neither of which is true.

Part of what I do for work is help people write resumes and cover letters, and what kills me every time is that every person I help has their value summed up in how much time or money they made or saved the company. That's it. There is no humanity in it. We strip away all of the things that make us human -- the connection we have to each other -- and replace it with the mathematics of business.

Now, I am not saying that making money is bad. I'm also not saying that we shouldn't strive to improve the companies we work for, or that we shouldn't try to improve our own material situation. What I am saying is that our worth has nothing to do with these numbers. These numbers are a reflection of something deeper that we do, which is connect with people. We can't make great sales teams if we don't know how to lead and connect with our people. We can't create a loyal customer base if we can't cultivate a human connection with the people on the other side of the phone.

It kills me, it really does, to think that in our capitalistic society we have to sum up our humanity in revenue and time for the companies we work for. I know there is a better way and I aim to find it.

So, here it is, my poem on resumes, value, connection, and humanity.

Resume

Take a moment and tell me what you’re worth

tell me your value in a few bullets:

• How much money have you made the company?

• How have you sped up production?

• How have you reduced processes that waste time?

• How have you reached more people?

• How have you have generated more leads?

• How has your team beat their sales goals over and over again…

breathe and look that list over again

your value summed up in a few simple questions

your worth in numbers

but what about the time you let Susan cry on your shoulder

after her father died and she got the news at lunch

tell me about the time you connected with the woman on the phone –

you spent an hour with her while she told you

about her kids and her business and how everything was growing

tell me about the time you brought in cake

for Anthony’s birthday because he had just moved to town

and had no one to celebrate with

what about the time you brought in donuts and coffee

because your team had just gotten through working

all week on a critical project?

Look over your resume again

tell me your worth

show me your humanity in a few bullet points

sum it up in numbers and time

show me how you connected to people

how you helped them grow

how you forged bonds in the fire of work

and then try again

and show me who you really are.