From obligation to trust

Let us start with the morning. It's my favorite time of day. I love the sleepiness of it. The drifting feeling. The productiveness. To watch the sunrise over the horizon is the greatest gift we can give ourselves each day (if you happen to be a morning person).

It's funny, for years I resisted the idea that I was a morning person. That I was one of "those" people who liked to be up early. But I am. I spent years staying up late and then wishing I could get up early too. It just feels like the right fit for me.

But I have also noticed that I am constantly battling years of built-up habit. I'm battling an idea that I had of myself and who I thought I needed to be and who I feel that people want me to be.

Here is the thing. Looking back I can see that there is a lesson that has be coming up over and over again throughout my life. It's that staying in a situation for the wrong reason will never make that situation better. I've done so many things out of obligation, and in the end all I feel is resentment toward myself and others.

Of course, what I realize now is that all of those things were acts of self-hate. I was desperately trying to do what I thought people wanted of me so that they would love and accept me because I couldn't love and accept myself. It's a wonder that I have any true friends at all, to be honest. But in so many ways I've been lucky in this life. and I always try not to forget that.

But now I'm wondering how many more times I have to live this lesson. How many more times will I choose others over myself? How many more times will I let fear rule every decision I make? How many more times will I chose the obligation I have to something or someone when I know I need to leave?

I'm done doing everything out of obligation, how about you? It's time we all followed our highest calling and trust that the Universe will be there to not only catch us but guide us toward our path.

The space in-flow: language dreaming itself awake

Image by Deflyne Coppens from Pixabay

Tonight, was my second to last writing class. I’m sure it seems silly to bring this up now, but it’s the only time we have, so I hope you understand. I only created this space for these thoughts days ago, though honestly it feels like it could be a year ago. Time this week… has felt so strange.

I am going to share with you what I wrote for a writing prompt tonight. I spent 30 minutes writing and it felt like five. In fact, everyone in the class had this experience, it was very interesting.

The prompt is: Language Dreaming Itself.

Language Dreaming Itself

But a signpost

But a direction in which we walk toward

But a dream in which we dream of speaking

The closed eyes against the bright summer sun as it crests over the horizon

Tell me what sweet taste like

Tell me why sour makes your face scrunch together

Tell me how your breath feels in your lungs – how it fills you up to empty – how it falls from you so easy – how you never forget to breathe

Language is only talking

The only thing that is talking

There is thinking without language

There is being without sound

Tell me the language of your thoughts – the moment of awe and silence – tell me of the connection you feel there as easy as breath – when you let the language dream itself awake – before you fall back asleep into words and meaning

But as a guide

But as androids dreaming

Laughter in all its forms is language too

Hugs and kisses

The silence that fills you when you look at someone you love

Architecture – where it stands, when it was built, the name above the door

There is nothing that is not language

Because language is meaning – the compass in which you rely

Who are you?

Ask yourself over and over again until the words are meaningless

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who are you?

What do you find in the spaces?

What do you find in the pause?

Point yourself in the direction of something

The words are only a guide

A doorway

A lock and key

Let them return to silence – the place where all things return

Let them come from silence – the place where all things come

Let it speak

It’s screaming for you to hear

But not that way

Never that way

Oh, blessed one,

When will you learn?

You are language dreaming itself awake.

There will never be a better time

I found this beautiful slam poet today, and I want to share one of his videos.

I can't say that I am an exception to the advice I am about to give, but for the moment I am trying. I am working toward being the person who embodies the values and mission I want to live while I am breathing in this body.

Let me just say this. There will never be tomorrow. There will never be another time for you to catch your breath. There is only this moment right now. We are so focused on what hasn't happened yet that we are lost in the fog of the future. We are all waiting for something to get better, for the sun to shine brighter, for the world to be better before we can step into who we want to be.

I am here to tell you, do not wait. Do not stand still waiting for the right moment because that moment will never come. The only time we have is the time we choose to take to move toward the things that bring us to life.

We are all slowly walking toward death from the moment we are born. There is no way around that. We are all here living this beautiful life on this magnificent planet for such a short time, but too often we wait until tomorrow. Too often we forget who we are in the pursuit of something we think we need or want or can't live without.

Take a moment. Take this moment. Breathe deeply. Look around where you are right now and realize that none of this is real and it's all a dream. It could all be gone tomorrow. Now ground yourself in this moment. Feel your heart beating. Hear the sounds of the world around you. Taste the air as it touches your tongue. Smell the sweet decay of the fall.

You are here to say yes.